Drunk Shopping - Internet vs. The Mall Day 1

      First, let's have a look at what may be the causes of drunk shopping. Then we will take a further and more in depth look at the Pros and Cons of drunk shopping via both the Internet and the Mall. Follow me please :>)
NOTE: THERE WAS NO ACTUAL DRUNK DRIVING INVOLVED IN THIS EXPERIMENT. NO ANIMALS WERE TESTED AND NO ONE GOT HURT. ALL STUNTS WERE PERFORMED BY THE ACTUAL CHARACTERS, WHOSE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THEIR DIGNITY

Day 1: The Internet

    As the summer in Phoenix heats up, and more and more people that are here for the winter months (snowbirds) return to their respective homes and climates else where....many of us will be sitting poolside with Mojitos and Margaritas, enjoying the heat and refreshing cool... uh warm...okay, even the pool water gets hot here after 10 a.m. in the summer.

    Statistically, not everyone does the pool thing, some people go to work early in the morning, sit in rush hour traffic and wish the morning snack girl that pops in the office around ten, had tequila shots on her cart instead of cookies and bagels. 

    I think there's some sort of law against portable liquor distribution in that sense, not to mention, employers probably don't want you drinking on the job...unless you're a "tequila taste tester" for Jose Cuervo. (Hey, it could happen.)

     If you have a typical office job; after lunch, you make your way back to your desk, sleepy and lethargic from the toxins of your so not healthy burger, fries, and chocolate milk shake lunch, and 'accidentally' doze for ten or twenty minutes, before the boss comes around asking for the report he gave you to do two days ago. You know you have it somewhere and quickly make up an excuse to bring it to his office by the end of the day. Thankfully, you know he'll forget about it, while he's thinking of 'beer thirty,' football and chicken wings at the local pub. 

    In your mind, you're picturing it lying on the kitchen counter next to the blow dryer, that you used to dry the document, while hoping the type wouldn't smear after your hubby spilled his orange juice on your file. 

    It's Friday, and you know, at this point, the boss is not getting his hands on that report anytime before Monday morning. You're thinking, you may even have to re-type it. 

    You're mind wanders to the Bloody Mary mix sitting in the fridge next to that jar of dill pickles fresh celery, and Absolut vodka that you bought the night before. 

     It's getting close to quitting time. Okay, quitting time isn't for another hour. But in anticipation of that, you send your phone line to voice mail, clear your desk and hop on Facebook for the last hour of your shift, briefly stopping to check the online balance of your checking account, because you have a pretty good idea what you'll be doing after the party.

    You drive home in rush hour traffic wishing that your car was equipped with a fridge and those cute little mini bar mini bottles, because a Captain Morgan's and Coke would go down just right, as your watching the Mercedes in the next lane cut off  a young driver in a Cavalier, to end up an extra car length ahead on the 101 Free Parking lot. 

     The thermometer and the tensions are climbing and you're starting to feel like you're in a Snickers candy bar commercial, as the narrator says " gonna be a while." 

      And since you know that you are going to be a while, you light up a cigarette and channel surf on the radio, passing by all the stations with commercials, looking for something resembling some kind of music.

      Finally, the traffic starts moving again. And from the point where you are now, you know that it will only take you another forty five minutes to get home.

       You pull in the driveway of your Phoenix suburbia home near six thirty and wonder the same thing you always do 'Why it takes an hour and a half to get home from your job that is twenty minutes away.' 
       Now the food alarm in your tummy is going off and you know you better get something to eat before the Frequent Friday Nighters start showing up.
      
      Fast forward the night and your guests have left,you're snacking on things that you think may absorb some of the alcohol that is now making your vision a slight bit blurry.
       After you've made a complete mess of the kitchen and found your handbag and credit card, you make your way to the computer.
       You are a sharp shooter when it comes to the art of shopping. The bumper sticker "Born to Shop" was coined after you. You know a good deal, find it, and conquer it.
       Earlier, you made a list of things you really needed; just after you checked your bank account balance.
        You are supposed to find a part for your hubby's car, but neither of you know what it's called. You realize you won't have any shopping fun if you try looking for that part tonight, so you move it to the 'look for tomorrow' list.
         First order of business is find some 'shoppable' music on You Tube.     
      Onward and upward, first stop is American Eagle Outfitters. 

The sale is 'Buy one, get one 50% off ' fifteen minutes, six blouses, two jeans and a pair of shoes later, you're off to the next store.
         Next stop, the new arrivals at Old Navy, and OhMyGaw, you can't believe the deals on sundresses. You take four, and you're out the door.
          You visit Buckle, 

Dillards, Robinsons May and Macys. 


You even grabbed a few things at Amazon.com 

and found a replacement pair of your most favorite shoes on Ebay. Oh the boxes that will be at your door this week!
          You shuffle off to bed, because now you are truly worn out. Note to Self: If you shop til you drop from home on the Internet.... at least the bedroom is close by.

           Pros - Drunk Internet Shopping

• You're not driving, so you won't kill, maim, or slightly injure yourself or anyone else.
• There are some SMOKING deals, that you're pretty darn sure you just can't get anywhere else.
• You saved money in gasoline (petrol) by not driving.
• You helped NOT add anymore pollution to the world by NOT driving.
• They always have your size.
• All your new stuff will be conveniently delivered right to your door.
• You can return anything that doesn't fit, and get your money back.
• You had a great time!

          Cons - Drunk Internet Shopping

• You'll find out later that The SMOKING deals you got are the same ones at the local mall.
• You spent too much money (even with the gasoline (petrol) savings)
• You don't get to try on anything to see if it fits
•  The postal carrier is slowly figuring out that someone has an uncontrollable Friday night shopping disorder.
• You generally never return anything that doesn't fit. It simply sits in the closet until you're tired of looking it and it eventually gets shuffled off as a thrift store donation.
• The reality of how much money you blew hits home when you wake up to your credit card next to the laptop. 

To Be Continued......