"Live your life without regrets." "No pain, no gain."
"Careful what you wish for."
And as the Stones so eloquently put it.."You can't always get what you want."
Among these sayings are the variables that many of us associate with not doing something, or not achieving something. And then do we often feel guilty? Perhaps many of us do, perhaps some of us, not.
I have recently been reading and re-learning some things that I personally need. For everyone else it could be quite different. I suppose it depends on what you want, or what you want to achieve.
I am working on being wholehearted again. For my own personal reasons of course, and in areas that I feel are lacking in my life; maybe some of you wish for the same things? Of course as with nearly everything, there are requirements to obtain being wholehearted.
For those of you like me, I needed a definition...Wholehearted means sincere, complete, earnest, which in my brain translates to the state of 'loving unconditionally,' in any areas of your life. Seemingly, our selfish nature or abashed sense of self-worth sometimes can stand in the way. But buyer, no need to beware...because in this case, you can get what you wish for.
"It makes no Difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the out look, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistakes, a sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all." ~ Emmet Fox
Just before sun up, I heard the Marlboro Man rustling with his bed roll and prepping a pot of cowboy coffee (my favorite). Jesse groaned and Wade told him to get up and to let me sleep for a few more minutes. My brain was cranking but my eyes were closed, then I realized Nick was gonna continue his story.
My eyes popped open and I sat upright, all three of them were staring and they all laughed out loud. Marlboro Man said
"Come on, Girl! I said I'd get back to the story, but we got a ways to get to the lake still, so I'm gonna start here over coffee and I'll talk on the ride."
We were on the far north side of the ranch in a base camp in the mountains. I could smell the big cats in the area. The lake was 'up the road a piece' according to the Marlboro Man or five to six miles according to the map.
He shared a little more about his 'Beverly years' over coffee, eggs, and biscuits. Then we cleaned up, saddled up and were moving again.
The sun was completely up about half way to our next base camp near the lake. The plan was that we would spend the next two days catching loads of Rainbow Trout. During that just under five-mile ride, the Marlboro Man continued his story.
"About that time...near the end of the marriage, I mean. I had a big ride for a pretty big purse coming up." He gathered his words before he spoke again."I was distracted. My mind wasn't in the game. That's not a good place to be, Cupcake. Especially when you're about to step in the chute on a bull cowboy's can't stay on.
My hand got stuck in the glove, in the rope. I couldn't get free and it seemed like forever before help got to or could get me. I'll keep it G-rated and just say that I got dragged, trampled and tore up pretty bad. Broke some stuff down here." He touched near the back of his saddle at his right lower back and ran his hands down towards his knees. "Both sides " he added. "Broke some stuff up here." He ran his hand across his collar bone.
"I'd lost a fair amount of blood by the time they got me to the hospital, so I needed some.
Beverly was not a match, but she was nowhere to be found anyway. My Liv though, she was there." A huge smile covered his face.
"She was a universal donor, type O negative. When I say that she saved my life, I mean this woman SAVED my life in many ways. She saved me with her unconditional love. by giving me her blood. She saved me like that first, then she stayed with me, and saved the rest of me.
I never felt anyone's presence like I did that or any day since. I was scared about never walking again. I could hear the doctors talking even though I couldn't move.
Liv prayed over me for weeks. She was there during the surgeries and when they finally let me go home, she was the one who took me. She cared for me.
Divorce papers showed up from Beverly, a few months after I was home. I still wasn't recovered physically and if Liv hadn't been there, who knows how that would have hit me emotionally." He paused as we arrived in the clearing.
It was one a magnificent sight. The lake was big and blue and looked like mirrored glass against a background of mountains. They looked much closer than they actually were. We tied the horses and unpacked our gear.
"It was bout a year or more, til I could walk again. I did strength training everyday til I could manage the 'barrel bull;' That's the beginner's deal for new cowboys." He chuckled and then said
"It was closer to 'bout two years before I was back on a real bull and had some pretty big painful days, but loving, no living to ride keeps you right somehow." He pointed to his head with his right index finger and tapped his hat with it.
"My girl, my Liv, she was an encouraging gal too. She kept me pushed when I didn't wanna push cause she knew my passion.
I reckon it's true that God closes doors, so he can open others for you. I thought Beverly broke my heart, but now I know that I was just waiting for Liv to find it." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again, but fought them.
"When you're looking for something or someone to show up. Look around and make sure that you ain't missing something before asking 'Well God where is it? What you think you want and what he's willing to give ya, are not always the same things...It might have been there all along...Liv was. I can't imagine living my life, having missed out on HER.
She is in every one of my stories from that day in the hospital forward. I hope all you kids have stories like that. Have fun living, that's the 'live hard' part, but love like it's going outta style."
We had trout for dinner and some to take home :)
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Life's Hard Love Harder - Part 1 Marlboro Man
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