Drunk Shopping Internet vs. The Mall Day 2

 Drunk mall shopping has some potentially different causes, let's have a look at what those may be. Then we can successfully continue our in depth look at look at the Pros and Cons of drunk shopping via both the Internet and the Mall. Follow me please :>)
NOTE: THERE WAS NO ACTUAL DRUNK DRIVING INVOLVED IN THIS EXPERIMENT. NO ANIMALS WERE TESTED AND NO ONE GOT HURT. ALL STUNTS WERE PERFORMED BY THE ACTUAL CHARACTERS, WHOSE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THEIR DIGNITY

     Friday night has left you with a slight headache. You were able to avoid a complete hangover, by matching your shots with a glass of water and you still can't believe that it actually worked.
      Breakfast isn't going to be anything heavy, cause your tummy is still a smidge on the queasy side. Coffee, a couple slices of toast and some scrambled eggs. 
       Later, you begin your quest for your hubby's car part. The one that you have absolutely no idea what to call it and a vague idea of what it does. 
       You decide to spend an hour, maybe two looking for this elusive car part. You grab the yellow pages, your cell, and open up your notebook (the computer kind). You dial the first number.
        While you're waiting for the bloke on the other end to answer, your mind keeps drifting to that great leather hand bag that you saw last week in Dillard's at the mall. 
         He answers. You describe the part as a "bushing for the rack and pinion steering." You can almost feel the guy nodding with his "uh huhs" at your brilliant description. This is way easier than you thought it was gonna be. He knows exactly what you're talking about, right? WRONG! He tells you, you're gonna have to bring the part in, so he can see it.
       'Yeah right,' you think. Now even though, you're hubby is somewhat of a self proclaimed, expert back yard mechanic, you know darn well that his friend's car is getting a new alternator installed, before that part he's looking for is ever getting removed from his truck. Your thinking, 'The only way that's coming off before I actually find this part, Buddy is if it FALLS off.' That call goes in your phoned column marked, doesn't have.
        The next two guys are as knowledgeable as the first, and you know that you're gonna have to break down and just show up at the parts store, looking for someone who looks like they have a clue, or you're gonna be in hot water with the hubby, because you acted like it was no big deal to do this one thing for him...you're mind wanders to the little bar next to parts store that you saw a Margarita Happy Hour sign in on your way to the mall last weekend. 
       The last guy on the phone made it sound as though you wanted spare parts for your rocket ship. He said you were looking for a "Steering Vibration Dampener." What The...?
       You gather your list of things that you need while you're out, and quickly jot down a few more things that you had forgotten to add, like Cranberry and Orange juice for the frozen drinks you and your girlfriend will be sipping on after your mall excursion. You've already rang her and she's meeting you in thirty minutes, at the bar next to the parts store.
         
         At the parts store, you figure out rather quickly that the newest, youngest kid has more knowledge than the manager and his two assistants put together. You describe the part, he hands it to you, charges you eight bucks plus tax and you leave with your Steering Coupling Disc and it's receipt in your purse, and cross the parking lot to the Happy Hour bar, where your dear friend is waiting with Margaritas!
         One...no two... quite Happy Hours later, you and your friend decide you absolutely have to go to Dillard's to find that handbag. It would be a criminal offence, if you didn't. 
         Fortunately, the parts store, and the bar are on the outskirts of the Mall property, so you make a great decision to walk to the mall.
         As the two of you enter through the main entrance, you make a mental note of a Ruby Tuesdays location, in case you get thirsty later.
         You are in Dillards, and there it is! That fabulous bag and the exact color you saw here last week. You can't believe that there's even one left. You were certain that everyone through the door, would have snagged up that gorgeous bag.   

      You check the price tag; $225.00! Yikes! AND you rationalize it's marked down from $325.00. You gotta have it, it goes with......with...it goes with something. And even if it doesn't, HEY, you're at the Mall with a credit card, your best friend and a decent buzz. It's all good.
         Feeling very satisfied with your purchase, the two of you make your way to Robinson's May to look for dress boots. It's at the other end of the mall.
          A few stores down, the thirst begins. It is temporarily diffused as you see this 

  and decide that maybe you just need to sit for a few minutes and rest. So the two of you hunker down in this this little trove, take in the scenery and talk about more life stuff. 
       The conversation turns back to clothes, boots, bags and shopping, so you both get up and head to the Buckle store, just in case you missed anything online last night.  
        You escape Buckle for just under four hundred bucks and auspiciously decide that you'll find out what you picked when you get home and check the bag, cause you just can't remember right now. 
         The thirst is back, yours and hers. Ruby Tuesdays is the next door over. It's time for appetizers and hard to pronounce beers. 
         You order the one that the waiter tells you is "Not from here, beer, made by celibate Monks, that are not from here." 
         About an hour and a six pack (between the two of you) later you head back out into the mall towards Robinson's May, but are detoured by a quaint accessories store that has sunglasses, jewelry, handbags and 

masquerade ball masks (quinceanera - pronounced - kin-sin y' aira) and even belly dancer outfits. Uh oh.

          You don't need a belly dancer outfit, because miraculously, you already have one or two (you're not quite sure). But you certainly could always use more shades; and the the deal here today is ' buy one, get one half off.' Almost your favorite deal.
           You and your girlfriend each get six pairs. Then you spot them and have to have them. The bracelets 

that are so darn close to the ones that Linda Carter wore as Wonder Woman; one of the most awesome Super Heroes of all time! All you need to complete your outfit now is the 'lasso of truth.' Even as buzzed as you are after the Monk beer, you keep that to yourself. You're out the door for about one fifty. You are the Master Shopper!!
         Your friend and you are both smiling and the perfect shopping theme music begins. Not sure if it's in your head or actually in the mall, but who cares, you're having too much fun. 
         You make your way through the mall and you both decide that The Cheesecake Factory 

will be the stop after Robinson's May.
         Robinson's May has hats, scarfs and hand bags on sale and a really cool pair of boots that are a Chippewa motorcycle boot, knock off.  

Marked down from 40% make that 60% off. You sure have scored at the mall today!
         Now it's off to the Cheesecake Factory for 

 Taquitos and Skinny Mojitos. Too bad the mall doesn't rent golf carts to take you and your lute back to the car. You could use one, just now. 


          A few more drinks at the Cheesecake Factory and you and your friend, verbally agree that it would be best to have someone who's not either of you, drive you home. 
          You call a cab, and wake up Sunday morning with your clothes and makeup still on, surrounded by your purchases and a thumping noggin.

Pros - Drunk Mall Shopping

• You're not driving, so you won't kill yourself or anyone else (however maiming and injuring yourself cannot be completely left out of the equation).
• You get to actually try on your purchases.
• You have some one who's willing to go with you.
• You have the instant gratification of taking your stuff home that day.

Cons - Drunk Mall Shopping

• There is potential to actually maim or injure yourself or someone else, even walking.
• Your companion may decline your next invitation to the mall.
• You spent too much money.
• The credit card bill arrived in the mail, just after you left for the mall and your hubby saw it.

• The Skinny Mojitos did not off set the calories in the cheesecake that you ate.

Thanks for reading.Cheers! Until the next adventure...

       

Drunk Shopping - Internet vs. The Mall Day 1

      First, let's have a look at what may be the causes of drunk shopping. Then we will take a further and more in depth look at the Pros and Cons of drunk shopping via both the Internet and the Mall. Follow me please :>)
NOTE: THERE WAS NO ACTUAL DRUNK DRIVING INVOLVED IN THIS EXPERIMENT. NO ANIMALS WERE TESTED AND NO ONE GOT HURT. ALL STUNTS WERE PERFORMED BY THE ACTUAL CHARACTERS, WHOSE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THEIR DIGNITY

Day 1: The Internet

    As the summer in Phoenix heats up, and more and more people that are here for the winter months (snowbirds) return to their respective homes and climates else where....many of us will be sitting poolside with Mojitos and Margaritas, enjoying the heat and refreshing cool... uh warm...okay, even the pool water gets hot here after 10 a.m. in the summer.

    Statistically, not everyone does the pool thing, some people go to work early in the morning, sit in rush hour traffic and wish the morning snack girl that pops in the office around ten, had tequila shots on her cart instead of cookies and bagels. 

    I think there's some sort of law against portable liquor distribution in that sense, not to mention, employers probably don't want you drinking on the job...unless you're a "tequila taste tester" for Jose Cuervo. (Hey, it could happen.)

     If you have a typical office job; after lunch, you make your way back to your desk, sleepy and lethargic from the toxins of your so not healthy burger, fries, and chocolate milk shake lunch, and 'accidentally' doze for ten or twenty minutes, before the boss comes around asking for the report he gave you to do two days ago. You know you have it somewhere and quickly make up an excuse to bring it to his office by the end of the day. Thankfully, you know he'll forget about it, while he's thinking of 'beer thirty,' football and chicken wings at the local pub. 

    In your mind, you're picturing it lying on the kitchen counter next to the blow dryer, that you used to dry the document, while hoping the type wouldn't smear after your hubby spilled his orange juice on your file. 

    It's Friday, and you know, at this point, the boss is not getting his hands on that report anytime before Monday morning. You're thinking, you may even have to re-type it. 

    You're mind wanders to the Bloody Mary mix sitting in the fridge next to that jar of dill pickles fresh celery, and Absolut vodka that you bought the night before. 

     It's getting close to quitting time. Okay, quitting time isn't for another hour. But in anticipation of that, you send your phone line to voice mail, clear your desk and hop on Facebook for the last hour of your shift, briefly stopping to check the online balance of your checking account, because you have a pretty good idea what you'll be doing after the party.

    You drive home in rush hour traffic wishing that your car was equipped with a fridge and those cute little mini bar mini bottles, because a Captain Morgan's and Coke would go down just right, as your watching the Mercedes in the next lane cut off  a young driver in a Cavalier, to end up an extra car length ahead on the 101 Free Parking lot. 

     The thermometer and the tensions are climbing and you're starting to feel like you're in a Snickers candy bar commercial, as the narrator says " gonna be a while." 

      And since you know that you are going to be a while, you light up a cigarette and channel surf on the radio, passing by all the stations with commercials, looking for something resembling some kind of music.

      Finally, the traffic starts moving again. And from the point where you are now, you know that it will only take you another forty five minutes to get home.

       You pull in the driveway of your Phoenix suburbia home near six thirty and wonder the same thing you always do 'Why it takes an hour and a half to get home from your job that is twenty minutes away.' 
       Now the food alarm in your tummy is going off and you know you better get something to eat before the Frequent Friday Nighters start showing up.
      
      Fast forward the night and your guests have left,you're snacking on things that you think may absorb some of the alcohol that is now making your vision a slight bit blurry.
       After you've made a complete mess of the kitchen and found your handbag and credit card, you make your way to the computer.
       You are a sharp shooter when it comes to the art of shopping. The bumper sticker "Born to Shop" was coined after you. You know a good deal, find it, and conquer it.
       Earlier, you made a list of things you really needed; just after you checked your bank account balance.
        You are supposed to find a part for your hubby's car, but neither of you know what it's called. You realize you won't have any shopping fun if you try looking for that part tonight, so you move it to the 'look for tomorrow' list.
         First order of business is find some 'shoppable' music on You Tube.     
      Onward and upward, first stop is American Eagle Outfitters. 

The sale is 'Buy one, get one 50% off ' fifteen minutes, six blouses, two jeans and a pair of shoes later, you're off to the next store.
         Next stop, the new arrivals at Old Navy, and OhMyGaw, you can't believe the deals on sundresses. You take four, and you're out the door.
          You visit Buckle, 

Dillards, Robinsons May and Macys. 


You even grabbed a few things at Amazon.com 

and found a replacement pair of your most favorite shoes on Ebay. Oh the boxes that will be at your door this week!
          You shuffle off to bed, because now you are truly worn out. Note to Self: If you shop til you drop from home on the Internet.... at least the bedroom is close by.

           Pros - Drunk Internet Shopping

• You're not driving, so you won't kill, maim, or slightly injure yourself or anyone else.
• There are some SMOKING deals, that you're pretty darn sure you just can't get anywhere else.
• You saved money in gasoline (petrol) by not driving.
• You helped NOT add anymore pollution to the world by NOT driving.
• They always have your size.
• All your new stuff will be conveniently delivered right to your door.
• You can return anything that doesn't fit, and get your money back.
• You had a great time!

          Cons - Drunk Internet Shopping

• You'll find out later that The SMOKING deals you got are the same ones at the local mall.
• You spent too much money (even with the gasoline (petrol) savings)
• You don't get to try on anything to see if it fits
•  The postal carrier is slowly figuring out that someone has an uncontrollable Friday night shopping disorder.
• You generally never return anything that doesn't fit. It simply sits in the closet until you're tired of looking it and it eventually gets shuffled off as a thrift store donation.
• The reality of how much money you blew hits home when you wake up to your credit card next to the laptop. 

To Be Continued......