Continued from Part 1 Sabotage........(all links are always in yellow)
"Love don't mean nothing less there's something worth fighting for. It's a beautiful war" - Kings of Leon
He talked as we walked. Marlboro Man lives on a sizable piece of property. We followed the fence line for a bit and I listened as he described areas of the ranch that I had never been to on foot before. Walking is a completely different perspective than on horseback or in a vehicle.
He pointed to what appeared to be an old run down barn in the distance and I questioned our ability to make it there and back before the sun set down. He said we could wait until morning if I promised it would be the first thing we would do just after breakfast. I agreed.
Breakfast on the ranch is before sun up. In the summer it's super early, like 5 am, and it's a bit later in the fall and winter months, closer to 7 am. If you are familiar with office work...this is nothing like that. Critters need to be fed and turned out to pastures, stalls need mucked (shit shoveled), eggs gathered, and then depending on the season, Marlboro Man says "Wanna be cowboys need fixin'." In other words, he trains or re-trains them to be the best they can be.
It's chilly, so I grab a light jacket and follow Marlboro Man down the creaky porch steps. He has a stride on me, so I trot to catch up, we head to the horse barn. A ranch cowboy already has two horses saddled. I follow Marlboro Man and his horse down the fence line towards that old barn. We take our time. He talks, I listen.
A short time later, we tie off the horses and I follow him into the barn, which doesn't look as run down up close, just needs a few patches and some paint.
Marlboro Man gets the latch on the second try, because it was stuck on the first attempt. He says something under his breath and I hear the big metal latch hit the wood with a thud. He slides the door open and we walk into a large open area, to the left is a stack of straw bales, on the right are several unused galvanized watering troughs.
" I keep my memories here." he says with a smile. He pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks the padlock on a door just past the straw bales.
The room looked as if it had been abandoned since sometime post Vietnam War era, but Marlboro Man assured me it was just a short time before Liv 'went home.'
"I couldn't be out of the house anymore. she couldn't get things on her own." His face went serious and pale. I knew what he meant. Someone close to me had had the same situation. It was quite sad to reflect on.
"Any cowboy that has come through this place since the 80's is on that wall." He pointed to the wall directly in front of us. There were so many photos, it didn't look like there was any wall left.
There were also a smattering of trophies bunched together on the dust and cob web covered oak desk to the left. There was a large glass window behind that desk that housed hundreds of trophies and blue ribbons, upon it's shelves. "Trophy room," he advised. I recognized some of those famous boys on the wall and he confirmed that I was correct, when I was correct in naming them.
"So there's a reason, you're showing me this, yes?"
"Of course. The Saboteurs, are not on that wall. They went home crying to their Mommas about me being unfair, or the road to get to be the best was too hard." He stopped and pointed at the wall with a fierceness that softened when turned to me. "You got that, Cupcake. I seen it in your eyes more than once. The fire, I mean. That's why I brought you here."
He lit a cigarette and dragged heavily on it. I found an ashtray on the dishevelled desk and moved it cautiously towards him. "Just cause someone gives you a little guff, doesn't mean you quit, and when you got something good, worth fighting for, you don't walk away from it. Follow me?" I nodded slowly. "It's none of my business really, about your boyfriends. But I shudder to think if Liv had walked away." He smiled and looked at his wedding band, then turned it slowly with his thumb on the same hand, then reached up to a chain around his neck that had two more rings, before he said
"Life's lessons don't always arrive with a bang and go out the same way. Sometimes they are subtle and quiet."
He snubbed out the cigarette and shook his pack for another. He popped it up out of the soft pack, effortlessly catching it between his lips, moved it between clenched teeth, then spoke.
"Don't miss love cause you're looking for the fireworks, when you got your hands on the sparklers already. You miss your best friend and you may spend the rest of your life looking for that missing link.
Too many kids get it wrong and they think something physical is gonna fill some weird void in their lives." He shook his head, dusted off a chair and offered it to me. He had managed a spot on that giant desk.
"Jesse and Wade never really seen the soft side of me in the beginning, 'cept when they was really young and first come here. After Liv passed, I was an asshole, then I realized as much as I missed her, I still had them." He smiled again. "They've always done me proud." He pointed through the window at their pictures side by side on some crazy bull rides, their names etched neatly on the trophy plates.
"Jes has a lot of heart," he reminded and nodded at the picture. Then he got up close to my face, I could smell stale and new smoke on him, and said "Spend your life in avoidance and you will wake up alone, more or longer than you want to, guaranteed."
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