Thursday, 15 January 2015

The Relationship Ninja Vol 3 Family and a Breakfast Casserole

    When I first met Nina, we would always cook on Sundays and make it a "merged" family afternoon. We are cooking on a Saturday afternoon in this event, so that all is ready for Sunday morning. Weekend family events with Nina and her family are never dull. She once asked me why it was only me and why I did not have any other family in Arizona. I explained that I was the only one who moved away from my small home town. That was when she taught me about breakfast casseroles.
    "They can be tricky," she said "more like a quiche and less like a souffle. But you have to know how to add the ingredients to get the results that you want."
     First we cut potatoes and onion, next cook and drain sausage crumbles, then crisp the bacon. "There are many other vegetables we could add in place of the meat, but I find that the meat adds a specific type of flavor to the business." She smiles and cracks egg number twelve into the large mixing bowl. "Stir those potatoes." she directs and motions with her head as she whips the eggs into a frenzy. 
   The potatoes are being slow roasted before they will be added to the mixture. I open the oven and stir them," The key here" Nina says, "is to have everything prepped and ready to go." I look inquisitively at her and ask 
   "And how does that relate?" The thought pops out of my mouth before I can stop it.
   "I was just about to tell you that." She heavily enunciates the word that. "sometimes you get ahead on the conversation." she warns. I nod and listen.  "You see all of these ingredients have to be prepped, much like when people are young children. If you do it one way, you get a certain result. If you do it another way, you get quite a different result..." she pauses and stops whipping the eggs.   
   Nina gives me a stern look, but her eye brows are raised as if to say 'Take good mental notes.'  I know I am simply to listen. " Like the potatoes. See how we slow roast them in the oven?" She doesn't wait for me to answer and I nod as she continues. "We could par boil them on top of the stove, or even microwave the little buggers, and with each we will would get a different result. This way, they are more flavorful and they have a little bit of crust on top. If this were a child, you would have a well behaved and disciplined child, because you spent time with them, you understand?" I nod. 
   She sets two 9 X 13 pans on the counter top. "Now we will make two. One because some people don't like meat." She dumps the bacon and the potatoes (the well behaved children) into the pan and says "Here's the TV family, like the one that causes people to have dysfunction or think they are not as good as they could be, you know?" I continue to nod and smile. I get her point. Then she adds sausage
into the same pan and describes it as a 'blended family' step father or mother. I noticed the potatoes, grow a bit less crunchy as they soak up the little bit of grease from the meats. "What's Happening to the children?" I joke. "We have changed the original family make up by adding more fat, you know, making it different. The children are learning a different perspective exists." She says as she pops one of the potato children into her mouth. "And they are tasty too." She smiles and laughs. She adds onion, and a few green chilies. " These additions represent opinions. They can add flavor or they can over power the meat and potatoes if we add too many, then you will have problems for sure. The flavors will fight for dominance. So to calm it all down we add the constant in every breakfast casserole, eggs. The eggs, represent the right to choose. Once they are cooked they are a more stable environment for the rest of the ingredients." Now we were ready to put the first mixture into the oven. 
   As I hand Nina the pan to place into the oven she continues
 "This Breakfast family casserole now will have stability. We have given it the meat, or the head of the family if you will, the children (behaved and disciplined) and enough opinions to add flavor but not over power the choices the impressionable potato children will need to make in their lives, they will be stabilized by the eggs or the beliefs that they have based their opinions on. And here my Dear, you have Family and a Breakfast Casserole." She smiles and hugs me, grabs her coffee cup. refills it from the pot, and refills mine. Next I follow her to the table. where we sit to wait for the casserole. 
    "You know, even when you love the thought of breakfast...like a breakfast casserole - not everyone likes it? It's sometimes bland and boring and your get tired of eating the leftovers faster than you want more." 
   We had already prepped the vegetarian casserole to go in when the other came out. She made vegetarian because not everyone liked meat. "Meat upsets some tummies yes? Kind of like advice from your parents when you realize they were right you made a bad choice. You get that feeling in your stomach knowing that you were wrong and they were right.

 

Cheers until the next adventure

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Sunday, 4 January 2015

January 4th, 5th & 6th Download Kindle version of

A Perfect Body - my current novel, English translation, available Internationally in the following countries: Clicking on the listed country automatically brings you to that country's Amazon page. If you don't have a KINDLE you can still download an APP directly from the page to allow you to read on PC or Smartphones - $0.99 US - all other countries pricing is relative to US pricing in it's own currency. facebook

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Friday, 2 January 2015

January 4th, 5th & 6th Download Kindle version of

A Perfect Body - my current novel, English translation, available Internationally in the following countries: Clicking on the listed country automatically brings you to that country's Amazon page. If you don't have a KINDLE you can still download an APP directly from the page to allow you to read on PC or Smartphones - $0.99 US - all other countries pricing is relative to US pricing in it's own currency.

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Monday, 1 December 2014

The Relationship Ninja: Vol 2 Bread and Love

   The weather has taken a turn for the cooler part of the year. It's also a Sunday; it's a perfect day to get together and cook. 
    Today we are baking bread. Not what Nina calls "the new fangled way" of mixing water and powder together and sticking it in a bread machine, while you catch up on episodes of "How I Met your Mother." The old school way of mixing all the ingredients by hand, letting the dough rise and actually putting it in the oven. 
   She rustles through the cabinets, shoving pans this way and that until she finds just the right baking pan. "You know my Dear," her echoing voice from inside the cabinet calls back, "you really need to arrange your baking tins better. I cannot find a damn thing in here." She chuckles, her lovely accent shines transparently through her laugh. Simultaneously she hits her head on the cabinet, and I hear another "damn" followed by her intoxicating chuckle.
   My Ninja says making bread is like a relationship that is filled with love. Believe me, I was as curious to find out as you are now.
   Nina adds the first ingredients together. "Warm water, the catalyst for the yeast..or the beginning of, " she pauses as she dumps the yeast into the warm water, then says "the getting to know someone. It's always fun in the discovery stage. You will see how it plays out later, Dear." Then she adds 2 tablespoons of brown sugar. 
"It sweetens the bread." she winks. "Like the courting part of the relationship when you are fascinated with one another.....then we let it sit for a bit." 
  Ten minutes later the yeast is in action. "The yeast, is the catalyst in making bread rise. It is quite similar to the catalyst in relationships where 'like' can to turn love. The warmth of the water activates the yeast, much like the warmth of your heart.." she points her finger at my chest and smiles "It activates someones interest in you."
   After she has added the flour and rolled the dough out on to the counter, she continues her analogy. "Kneading the dough is the getting to know you stage in the relationship." I understand what she means, though I can't help but chuckle as I watch her squishing, squeezing, rolling, and sometimes pounding the dough against the counter. "This is the part where the fascination stops and the reality begins, Dear."
    When she had finished beating up the dough, she rolls it, smacks it one last time, places it in a bowl and covers it with a towel. "When it rises, we will cook it!" Her eyebrows raise as she exclaims 'cook it' giving me the impression that she knows it will be a masterpiece...just so you all know, everything she cooks is a masterpiece.
      The bread dough will need to rise for forty to forty-five minutes. While we are waiting for it, we do a quick clean up of the kitchen, then sit down with coffee. Nina sips her coffee loudly, and let's out something I can only describe as a sigh as she sets the mug back on the table. 
   "You know," she says thoughtfully  "I only realized a few years ago what I am sharing with you now, about bread and love." Her east European accent seems very thick when she says this to me. "Even though I hafe been married for many years, Dear." She places her hand on top on mine, and roughly pats my hand with her fingers, before she pulls back in her chair. 
   Forty minutes later the dough is plump and ready to be kneaded again. She takes it from the bowl and whacks it on the counter. "In life there are so many variables...no guarantees. Do you understand?" She asks while she begins to knead the dough again, adding a bit of flour here and there to keep it from sticking. "You see how the dough got fat? Not the baby yet." She chuckles " That's the two people comfy in their new relationship."
    "And now you are smacking the tar out of it?" My turn to laugh. 
    "Yes Dear, this is the reality part. It has risen once. Now we will see if the yeast has really done it's part." She explains that the bread should come out, having risen again; much like the trials and tribulations that couples go through, they should work things out and rise through the issues. 
"If everything works out right, the bread will be soft and chewy on the inside." She further explains that the soft and chewy part is the forgiving and moving forward. 
"It should also have a nice crust; One that is not too hard and not too soft, but just right. Remember Goldilocks?" She smiles and puts the loaf in the oven. "When a relationship has learned balance," she points to the oven "that is the soft chewy inside.The crust is the shell, the layer of protection from the outside world.
   About an hour later, our loaf of bread emerges from the oven, smelling spectacular! Nina smiles, pulls it from the oven and announces "Bread and Love!... I am certain. But we will cut it in about twenty minutes to be sure."




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Monday, 24 November 2014

The Decieferication of Dem Dare Emails

                                                      Disclaimer: 
                             If you find any of the following remotely alarming,
                             offensive, disturbing, or off color.....DON'T READ IT. 

The inspiration for this piece can only stem from one place. 

   This adventure begins where many of us spend our days, and depending on the project, sometimes our evenings too.
   Anyone who gets up every morning, gets dressed, ventures out of the house, risking life and limb to get there, knows where I'm talking about.
   Some of us get there through seas of endless traffic, freeway accidents, waiting in the cue at the border, even braving the incidental infamous "Road Rager;" the one that you are secretly dying to flip the middle finger up at, but decide that you don't know if they carry a gun, so you turn the music up louder and look away before they make eye contact with you. 
   The signal light turns green and away you go; most mornings on autopilot, coffee cup in one hand, frosted breakfast bar (full of sugar & loads of other crap that taste good) at the ready. You know that a banana would have been a better choice, but you simply love frosting; and it's better for you than a donut....or is it? Besides the line for breakfast at the drive-thru takes too much time, and always makes you late.
   Finally, you arrive, carrying all the luggage that makes you look as though you just got in from the airport (maybe some of you have). Most likely it's because you have a project due that you could not finish in the regular 8-10 hour work day, and like many of us, we find ourselves "living to work" instead of  "working to live."
   You get all of your "luggage" neatly arranged and fire up the desktop while you make more coffee, cause you know you're gonna need it.
   Once you get logged in and click on your INBOX, you have opened the flood gates to the world known as EMAILLet the games begin.
   The priority settings, stack your emails so that you receive them in matter of importance; the first being whom you directly report to, then company owner, so on and so forth. You diligently sort and file every email everyday, so that you start over with a clean INBOX every morning. when you left last night, the box was empty....and now over 200 EMAILS!!!!
   You noticed that the gal in the office next to yours (whom you frequently refer to as the 'girl next door') had not yet arrived, and the rest of your team works remotely from another state.    
   Throughout the week, there had been some random bantering emails between the remote team and the 'girl next door', to which you were included in and still have no idea why. But you do have a few thoughts and opinions about it.
   You settle in with your fresh cup of brew and begin reading. The first is the standard email from the standard departments about talking about quotas and the like. You wonder why you are even linked to this email chain. Same person ranting about the same thing week after week..maybe they will eventually get someones attention...squeaky wheel and all that, you surmise; even if you know it's unlikely. As well, this person has been known throughout the company to have a different philosophy, than that of the employer.
   The next is a banter about teamwork between the girl next door and another gal in the remote office. They are literally gushing about how fond they are of one another and how much fun they are having working together. You can literally picture them sending "email high fives."
    The next several emails following the girl next door and remote gal's "high five emails" are slight bit disturbing, as YOU are specifically called out and named in them. 
    You begin opening the other emails as you notice that they are from the same sender. You realize that you were either purposely included or it was like a episode of 'Dumbest Criminals' and you were accidentally included in the chain,
   The irony is that you have neither done nor said anything personally to either of them, so you are completely blindsided by this whole conversation.
    Now you have to, 'read between the lines,'because last time you told the boss what was going on his response was some garbled garbage about "when two alpha females work together" making it sound sound like you have no business bringing anything to his attention, even it were business or life threatening.
     Just as you are completing the email that you will send, your boss walks into your office and advises, that you are in fact correct, and that he was wrong about 'the girl next door.' He further explains that she will be leaving the company very soon as she rumpled all of the feathers of nearly all of the management team.
       Three days later, 'the girl next door' is gone, the scads of endless emails has ceased and you can get back to what you are paid to do..."drama has left the building."


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Sunday, 20 July 2014

Goth Girl and the Period

In memory of my dear friend Emily. This is the first time I've blogged since she passed away. Not only was she of my most avid blog readers, she was also one of the people that I spent many of my blog adventures with and I miss her like crazy. This piece is one that we talked about often and that I threatened and she dared me, on more than one occasion to blog about. 

This adventure is one that happens about once a month. Although, whose actual adventure it is remains unclear. I suppose it depends largely on the perspective of the person who either is the party or, the the person who is party to the adventure.
      From the perspective of being an actual participant, it's kind of more like an out of control Carnival ride, with salty chips, soda, loads of chocolate, and sometimes cotton candy.  
     This is also dedicated to all the women who have had 'life" happen to them, and the men who happen to witness the happening and those who have lived through it to see it repeat itself....and when I say happen, I just mean that there are times (Men pay close attention) when a woman really has no control  over her emotions. We're not talking about shopping for new houses with pretty kitchens and bathrooms, or for new shoes. Coincidentally, these are both extremely 'emotional' situations for most women....just saying. If what I just said sounds confusing, that's a mere glimpse into the wonderful world of unbalanced hormones.
     Boys, let me be candid in saying that your girl probably isn't demon possessed, even though you may feel at the end of the day that an exorcism could be in order. You may even find yourself 'googling' the nearest Clergyman. 
    And contrary to an ever growing and popular belief, not all women are riding on the bi-polar coaster. ;although, there are times when it may seem that there is no other reason for the way they are acting.   
       The good news is, that there is a reason, and you've met her (the reason), the one who isn't always reasonable; we've all met her at one time or another (some have met her more times than others) Allow me to introduce you to the one I like to simply call "Goth Girl." There is a great possibility that she is a distant cousin to "Hell Boy."
       This is the girl at that certain time of the month that takes over your wonderful angelic girlfriends and wives and changes them into a wicked fire breathing dragon lady. Goth Girl is not a bad girl, she's just mostly dark, brooding, lamentatious; and seemingly  strange and unusual.
    There are a few reasons for her to show her dark spirit, one being that helpless feeling of her body being taken over by an unseen force, sometimes driving her into excruciating physical pain or even making her feel like a completely different person altogether. Even the most "together' gals can quickly become  a "Goth Girl" and some will go a little further and become an "Evil Goth Girl." She is a force to reckoned with and, might I add, that one should use great caution when approaching the latter, as she can be volatile hot mess.
        As many of us know, most experiences with Goth Girl Syndrome is quite temporary, lasting three to five days per month. Be advised that it is best not to anger or upset the delicate balance of  the Dictatorship role that your woman has taken during this time of the month....that's just asking for trouble. 
        The best news is that within a few days, all should return to normal, at least for the next 28 days. :)

Cheers! Until the next adventure.



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Sunday, 8 June 2014

Cowboy of the Rings

   Many of you have already had the pleasure of "Meeting the Marlboro Man." For those of you who haven't, please simply click the link and meet him. As always all yellow areas are links  
                         Meet the Marlboro Man

For Rob - some things I never say out loud and some things have to be said because someone else needs to hear them. 


"Some People feel the rain....others just get wet." 
                              ~ Bob Dylan


   This is a story that is very near and dear to me; it gets me emotional. It reminds me that timing is everything. It's about a sincere gift of hope from one of the most honest men that I know on this entire planet.
   Some people ask me about them; others simply respect my privacy. 
    I wear two identical rings on either hand. Both on my ring fingers. It has been mistaken and misinterpreted that I am married, which I am not.
My friend, Nick, whom I call the Marlboro Man, gave me these rings about four years ago. 

    The rings spin and have three things written on the bands - BELIEVE, TRUST, FAITH.
    Nick gave them to me, and told me that they symbolize HOPE. That they are for the days when things weren't going right; when I'm not sure what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. 
     He said they would line up whenever I was helping someone who needed me, teaching them to still BELIEVE in things, showing them that people can still TRUST other people, or simply quietly waiting with them to rediscover their FAITH in themselves, love or life.
"It's how you will know you're in the right place, Cupcake. The one on the left is yours, the one on the right belongs to the person who needs you." He said, as he gently placed each ring on my finger. His worn hands, rough and leathery were gentle, and his touch as soft and kind as his deep blue eyes.
    We met at a time when neither of us knew we were gonna need each other so much; His wife had recently passed away, and I was still licking my too fresh divorce wounds. His nephew, Wade introduced us, and he instantly welcomed me into his family. 
     Marlboro Man (Nick) says I remind him of his deceased wife Oliva, whom he fondly refers to as Livvy. "She was spunky like you. Nothing got in the way. She was hard to catch and keep. But I got her eventually." He says, chuckles, lights another cigarette, and then tugs on the chain around his weathered neck, where two identical rings like ones he's given me hang. 
     He continues after what seems on his face like a hard thought to put into words. He points his nicotine yellowed finger tip at me, the cigarette still clenched between them and says 

" Losing your love to death, like mine or to divorce like yours, steals our thunder, humbles us into knowing we can't control the universe even if we think it's ours to control. You follow me Cupcake?" I nod. "The place where the pain begins is the place it always ends..with you....Find YOU, get back on the horse and keep riding. Keep the good memories for when you need them. Lose the bad ones."
     I always say that I got the better part of the deal. He always says "Friendships that know what they have, never let go." 
     The first time he said that, I must have looked at him funny because he added, "Opening yourself up to let someone in, to simply trust someone, especially after a tragic incident in your life, is a condition that we, as people, haven't been used to for so long, it's damn near a lost art form....just an old cowboy's oh two."
  Standing in front of him then was a feeling of pure presence that I cannot easily shake and one that I will never forget, like meeting the ultimate role model.
    When Nick first handed the rings to me, and I attempted to accept them, palm up waiting...he snatched them back quickly, and it reminded me of the Hobbits, in the Lord of the Rings..This man was bestowing me with the power of these 'precious' rings. As he placed them in my up turned palms he said "Be a good steward over what you've been given. It's what's in your heart, at your core, that's pure gold. Not much else matters."

 Cheers until the next adventure!!!

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