Author's note: All links are always yellow.
Okay..do we even make it past coffee anymore? I'm beginning to wonder. Let's talk about a subject that I've been putting off for some time; Maybe not for any other reason than it seems to me, much like continually repeating the simulation of a car crash. Are there casualties? Most definitely. You may even know some.
Roughly twelve years ago, YAHOO had a fantastic idea, people could meet online, date, get married, and have babies, all through the portal called "IM" (instant messaging). AND you could invite your entire family and friends via web cam to your virtual NUPS, call it good and spend all your wedding dough on a vacation to the Bahamas. NO DOUGH? The virtual trip may be just as good and you'll save even more, cause you don't have to TIP.
YAHOO's initial brilliant idea morphed into INTERNET DATING
Video dating, by that time had become a defunct and quite extinct animal (frankly, I'm not quite sure it ever escaped the BETA phase)....but INTERNET DATING was just getting started and it was FRESH!!!
I probably don't need to name all the sites, and not sure that I could, but I am quite certain that you've seen them both online and on the TV (for those of you who do watch TV, I mean). And they've grown, exponentially since their meager beginnings.
Hundreds if not thousands of internet dating sites boast that THEY are the ONE who can match YOU "scientifically" or by using their special "formula," with your spouse, perfect mate, soul mate, best friend, acquaintance, girlfriend, boyfriend, school mate, band mate, bed mate, stand up comic, one night stand, slam dance buddy, tattoo artist...Whew! I'm sure I've forgotten some of them, but none the less...let's get to the fun part.
The first part of the fun is picking the Internet Dating site that will bring you one step closer to your TRUE LOVE. Know that you are going to spend at least a part time jobs worth of time finding the perfect site and possibly have to pony up some cash on a monthly basis to belong to that "exclusive" dating site.
Fortunately Frugal people are still dating (who actually pays for the date is another blog altogether) and there are several FREE dating sites as well (Yes, we can include Craigs List with that.) And you gotta wade through a little more crap to distinguish between FRUGAL and CHEAP. I don't think Wal-mart has quite gotten in the game yet, but they have their grubs in everything else, so don't count them out.
Once you've decided on the site or sites (you can become a member of more than one) You can do one of several things:
- You can take a week or two to construct your own Power Point Presentation of the reasons you deserve that perfect person, who you know (or at least have been assured) is also a member, somewhere in the vast data banks of this Match Making site.
- Forgo actually answering any of those silly formulated questions and simply say " I Rock." and "If you have questions, just ask." Which at first glance to most proves how lazy you really are.
- You can hire a professional writer to write your perfect bio.
- You can pretend you're something you're not and write your life the way you wish it REALLY was, and tell the truth to your TRUE LOVE later, because you're pretty darn sure they'll understand, Hey, they are after all, your TRUE LOVE.
LET THE GAMES BEGIN.....At first, it seems an awful lot like the card game "Go Fish" And you excitedly check your e-mail and mobile for "hits" on your profile...and you find that loads of people are actually like fish....too big, too small, too skinny, unable to land, throw backs and the occasional "keeper" or "match."
If in fact you don't catch a "Keeper" after months of playing the game, "Go Fish" begins to vaguely but curiously resemble another famous card game called "Old Maid." And you wonder, "Was it something I said?.. Something I didn't say?....Something I could have said?...or "D - All of the Above?"
Truth is, if you can't keep someones attention in person, online is not gonna help you much, no matter who you are.
Also, let's not overlook the fact that if you belong to one or more "social networks." You've gotten yourself what resembles a part-time job without pay. If it makes ya feel better, we can call it an "Internship." :)
Either way, you now have to maintain a certain web presence in order to actively participate in Internet Dating.
Once you've been actively maintaining your Internet Dating Presence (IDP for compulsive acronym users), you will begin what I'll call the "Interviewing Process."
During the 'Interviewing Process' you many find many candidates who simply are NOT cut out for the 'position' you are offering.
Once you've weeded through the stalkers, the 40 somethings still living with my parents, the I'm married but I wanna get wit u baby, need a sugar momma/daddy, and closet trannys; you know that you are one step closer to meeting your TRUE LOVE, because you have endurance, sticktuitiveness, and stamina. Let's face it, you are loyal until you hate yourself.
The first date.....
Coffee...because coffee only lasts 20 to 30 minutes, it's less time than lunch and considerably less time and effort than dinner or a movie.
You've made it through the first few days of actual conversation through email, text and phone, with someone who you find quite attractive (or so their online pics would show) and whom you feel has quite a few things in common with you. So you make a coffee date and head for the plaza that has good coffee, is close enough to your house, yet far enough away from it, that if your date is a stalker or some other unmentionable freak, you can make a hasty and well plotted escape and lose them if they attempt to follow.
You arrive, you are waved over to a table by someone whom you have never seen before (not even in pictures...curious). As you get closer, you realize that the pictures of this person, are ones that you have seen, and are in fact representative of a much younger and thinner person than sits before you now.
Introductions ensue and you sit for 20 minutes politely listening to this person tell you all of the miserable things life has dumped upon their shoulders...you make it through, but decide that calling back would obligate you for more than you're willing with this person.
Back at home, your inbox is full of potential candidates once again. So you perform the same ritual...read, throw away, contact, set a date for coffee....drive home frustrated, check the email...read, throw away, contact, set a date for coffee..
A few months later, you decide that you just DON'T have enough time for the frustrations of accelerated (internet) dating and you delete all of your IDP's.
Later that evening, while you're taking out the trash, you run into your single neighbor, who happens to have loads in common with you. You talk for an hour and make a dinner date at your favorite Italian restaurant.
Copyright 2014 - Noelle Sangster/Sangster Entertainment LLC - All rights reserved
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